Why is it so hard to be self reflective?

Often, when I encourage my coaching clients to spend some time on self reflection, they look at me like “what are you talking about?”. Turns out self reflection is a skill many of us have never learned. I explain, self reflection is merely spending time asking ourselves important questions which others ask of us but we fail to ask ourselves. Of course, I encourage them to spend time actually answering the questions.

Last week I asked some of my clients to share with me the most important question they should be asking themselves at this moment. I was delighted with their responses and would like to share them with you.

• “Why don’t others in important positions see me as I see myself?”
• "How can I ensure I make every moment count?”
• “Am I totally nuts?!”
• “Am I a good listener?”
• “Do I take the time to understand other people’s needs and desires?”
• “Have I done something to ‘Pay it forward’ this week?”
• “Did I call my Mom and Dad to make sure they were OK?”
• “Did I set my weekly goal and then make sure I met or exceeded that goal for the week?”
• “Did I have life/work balance this week?”
• “In what ways have I been joyfully disciplined?”
• “What are the proven ways to focus and accomplish future goals?”
• “Where do I see myself in 5 years?”
• “Has anyone seen my phone?”

Your action step: What is the key question you should be asking yourself this week?
My request: Please share your questions in the comments so that I can compile them and post them for everyone to use.

Are you able to finish one task, before starting the next?

In our “Age of Destractability”, finishing one task before starting another has become extremely difficult for most busy people. We all seem to live in a time crunch, where getting things done fast has led us into a multi-task mindset. Unfortunately, we try to do this with a brain evolved to be single tracked. Whistling while we work wasn't too bad, but how challenging it has become to listen to a podcast on our smart phone, while monitoring emails and texts, and drinking coffee, while driving 80 miles an hour. You don't have to be Charles Darwin to figure out “we weren't made that way”. Even though this is an affliction from which I suffer mightily, I have garnered a few tips on how to finish one thing before starting another. Problem is, I didn't write them down before I checked my facebook so now I can’t remember most of them. So please, send me your best tips on how to finish one thing before starting another.

1. Tell yourself, “I am now doing one thing and I will finish that one thing before starting another”
2. Make “finish” your new mantra.
3. Write down “I am now....” and do not move on to the next task until you have completed that task.
4. If you have OCD, these instructions will make no sense to you. Your issue is that it takes too long for things to feel finished. If you think you have ADD and you've gotten this far into the text without starting something else, you probably don't have ADD.

Remember the words of E.B. White “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”.

Tips from a 90 Year Old on Staying Fit in Mind, Body, and Spirit

My mother-in-law, Jean Carino, at age 90+ continues to be strong in mind, body, and spirit. The key to her being able to sustain health and vitality at 90 is that she pays attention to all three of these areas. She reads and plays Mah-jongg, golfs and exercises, and is an active member of her church. Inspired by her, I have developed these 4 tips on how to stay strong in mind, body, and spirit throughout your life

1. On a regular basis, take an honest inventory and give yourself a grade on how well you are doing in taking care of yourself on:

• Mind
• Body
• Spirit

2. Create regular habits or rituals to be sure to do something daily to stay fit in all three areas. Some examples are:

• Keeping a journal
• Meditating or praying
• Enjoying nature
• Engaging in a creative activity
• Exercising
• Enjoying a sport
• Playing games with friends and family
• Having meaningful and stimulating conversations
• Reading meaningful literature

3. Be mindful in all that you do

• Doing one thing at a time
• Being aware of the impact you are having on others
• Doing good for others without seeking benefit for yourself

4. Practice love

• Loving yourself
• Loving your family
• Loving your friends
• Loving and protect the world you live in

Please post your suggestions for keeping fit in mind, body, and spirit!

Are You Stuck in Achieving Your Stretch Goal?

I have been emphasizing the importance of having a stretch goal. The problem with trying to achieve a big goal is that we often procrastinate, never seeming to get to what really desire to achieve. My experience shows that one way to overcome this problem is to join a goal accountability group. These groups help by creating contagion among group members to get going on what is really important. Also, helping others achieve their goals motivates us to achieve our own. I am forming new Goal Accountability Groups. Please contact me if you would like to participate in one

Here are some tips on forming your own goal accountability group:
1. Organize these groups in your work setting, and set a regular time for the groups to meet, perhaps over breakfast or lunch once a month
2. Organize groups among people with a shared goal. I have participated successfully in a writers group which has yielded several books and articles for the members. My neighbor, Sue Holdaway Heys, has been part of a quilting group. Many of its members have won several prestigious awards for their work.
3. Be sure that at the end of each group meeting, each participant has designated their next action step toward achieving their stretch goal
4. Make sure participants are having fun and are using their creativity.
5. Don't tolerate members who are heavy-handed, dictatorial, or excessively critical toward other members.

Have fun and success in setting up your group! And please contact me if you'd like more advice or wish to participate in one of my Goal Accountability Groups.

From my 1994 book "What Everyman Needs to Know," here are 10 tips for being a great father

1.Arrange to take your child to work for a day

2.Learn to cook one great dish for every meal

3.Ask your father about his experiences growing up in the neighborhood

4. If it’s broken, work on healing your relationship with your father

5.If you abandon a child find humor her and start the relationship today

6.Interview your children about what it is been like to have you as a father

7.Display of a memento from your father or grandfather

8.Put at least as much energy into your parenting as you do into your career

9.For one week do not tell your children what to do.

10. If you like the results of doing it for one week, keep doing it

Dr. Rob' Tips on Building Relationships to Build Your Network

Building Relationships to Build Your Network

This week I will be giving a presentation on Networking at the University of Michigan’s Career Conference. My key message is: “Building Relationships” is the key to building your network. Here are my 10 key points.

1. Think “Building Relationships” rather than networking.

2. Build relationships by following the concept of “reciprocity”: think “what can I do for other’s?”, rather than “what can other’s do for me?”

3. Building relationships means asking people what they need.

4. Building relationships means listening carefully to their answers and thinking about how you can be helpful

5. Build relationships the old fashion way by joining: service clubs, non-profit boards, religious organizations, etc.

6. Build relationships where you are employed by joining sports leagues, volunteering for committees, going out for lunch or after work with colleagues (never eat alone).

7. You don’t have to be an extrovert to build relationships. Quiet people often build deeper or meaningful relationships than extroverts

8. Use technology to build your relationship network: read The Start-up of You  to learn how to use LinkedIn.

9. Build your network while you are employed. People often find that if they lose their job, it’s often too late to start building relationships.

10. In building relationships, take risks. Ask to meet with people higher up in the organization and let them know who you are and find out what they may need.

Do you recognize the power of setting stretch goals?

When I look back on my career, I've always focused more on medium to short term goals, rather than long term dreams. I think of these 6-12 month goals as stretch goals: important projects which will take considerable hard work, discipline and a fair amount of overcoming distinct difficulties. Additionally, they usually are risky in the sense that they may not be easily achieved. Some of my examples include: writing a book, getting on Oprah, or running a 10k race. Here are some tips, for setting and achieving 6-12 month goals.

1. On 5x7 index card write down what the goal is. (e.g. creating a new line of business in doing coaching and consulting in the healthcare field)

2. Write down the date by which you will achieve the goal (e.g. November 30th 2013)

3. Write down why it is important (e.g. given the health care reform act, there is a great need for the business; new source of revenue)

4. Write down briefly how it will be done. (e.g. work with 2 knowledgeable partners, pilot it on a small scale)

5. Let other people know about your goal (e.g. like I am doing in this email)

6. Place the card somewhere where you can see it daily. (e.g. on your mirror, posted by your desk, or in your inbox- never to be archived until achieved)

7. Keep track of your successes. I am proud to say that since 1968, I have a metal index card holder, filled with over 200 stretch goals which I have achieved.

Robert Pasick Ph.D

Organizational Psychologist and Executive Coach

rob@leadersconnect.com

Author of Balanced Leadership in Unbalanced Times

Link for video from 5/17/13 CEO Connect: 5/17/13 CEO Connect.

For more tips by Dr. Rob, you can check out Balanced Leadership in Unbalanced Times.